Series

When Hookups Go Wrong

Boob scratcher.
Show transcript
00:04
Hello, my name is Laura and today it will be story time.
00:09
This is based on a real story.
00:11
This actually happened to me.
00:12
This is a real story when I first moved from Miami to L A two years
00:15
ago.
00:15
I was very lonely.
00:16
I was very sad.
00:17
I was working at a restaurant where the manager was absolutely
00:19
horrible.
00:20
So there was this guy that worked there with me, all we did was
00:22
flirt for a really long time, all day or day, flirt, flirt,
00:26
flirt, flirt, flirt, but he would never ask me out and I didn't
00:30
know why one day my roommate has a guy over and I'm just like
00:33
you know what?
00:33
It's been months.
00:34
I am horny and I am thirsty as hell.
00:36
I'm gonna call his ass.
00:37
So I did.
00:38
It's like one o'clock in the morning.
00:39
I was like, do you wanna just, do you wanna come over and he'd
00:41
be like uh yeah, sure, why not?
00:43
I had never done that in my life.
00:44
I always let the guy do the first move and like that's just not
00:48
me.
00:48
So he comes over and he's like, oh, I'm a little tipsy and I'm
00:51
like, ha ha.
00:51
It's ok.
00:52
Come over to my room.
00:53
Perfect.
00:53
That's how I like it.
00:54
So he comes over and he's just going around my room touching
00:57
my things and he's like, oh, who painted this?
00:59
And I'm like, it's my grandpa.
01:01
Do you want to sit here?
01:01
Because the, that's more comfortable.
01:02
He's like, nah, I'm good.
01:04
Two hours pass.
01:05
It's now three o'clock in the morning.
01:07
This man still has not touched me.
01:08
I'm still fully dressed and I'm like, you know what?
01:11
It's getting late, I'm gonna go to sleep.
01:12
You can sleep on the couch, you can sleep with me.
01:14
I don't know where you want to go.
01:15
If you want to go home.
01:15
That's fine.
01:16
I put an extra pair of pants because I was cold like I'm over
01:19
it and I go to my bed and he cuddles next to me.
01:22
He starts talking about deep chopra.
01:23
He starts talking about happiness.
01:25
He starts talking about his dad is a pastor.
01:26
I'm like, can I ask you something?
01:28
He's like, yeah, what's up?
01:29
I'm like, do you not want to have sex with me?
01:30
Is that, is that what it is?
01:31
Do you not, do you not find me attractive?
01:33
Like what is it?
01:33
Because I wanna have sex with you and obviously you don't want
01:36
to because I have two pairs of pants on right now and you haven't
01:40
done anything for the past three hours.
01:42
What, what the hell am I gonna call you over at one o'clock in
01:44
the morning for?
01:45
So he kind of starts laughing and he gets on top of me and I think
01:48
he's about to kiss me.
01:49
He goes, Laura and I'm like, mom, what is it?
01:52
I'm gay.
01:54
Wait, what I'm kidding.
01:57
I'm not gay.
01:58
I'm like, ok, I'm sorry, I'm a little confused.
02:00
Are you gay or are you not gay?
02:01
Because I think you are, It was like, oh my God, Laura.
02:04
I can't believe you think I'm gay.
02:06
Uh Yes, bitch, I think you are.
02:08
Yeah, you know I've been sitting here with my two pairs of extra
02:11
pants on with, on top of me and you still haven't touched me
02:16
and he's like you want me to touch your boob and I'm like, yeah
02:18
touch my boob.
02:19
He goes like this and I was like, you're scratching my boob
02:23
right now.
02:24
That's how I know that you've never been with a woman or maybe
02:26
you have and they liked it when you scratch their boobs.
02:28
I don't like it when you scratch my boob.
02:30
Please don't scratch my breast in my head.
02:33
I look back.
02:35
Oh, he was so gay.
02:36
You guys.
02:37
The moral of the story is girls pay attention to the clues if
02:40
a guy has been flirting with you for over eight months and he
02:43
hasn't asked you out, he hasn't touched your boob, he hasn't
02:45
done anything.
02:46
He's probably gay or he has a girlfriend or God knows what the
02:49
fuck.
02:50
But all I know is that I'm a moron because I let this happen to
02:55
me.
02:55
If this has happened to any of you, please let me know in the
02:58
comments, I will read them.
03:00
Tell me your horrific stories or if they're funny stories
03:02
Mine was a little horrific because I did not expect him to say
03:05
that it could have been anything in the world, but no, he was
03:08
gay and then he said he wasn't with it.
03:10
It messed with my mind a lot for a long time.
03:14
To the point where right now I, I can't tell who's gay.
03:16
If a guy comes up to me, he starts flirting with me.
03:18
I'll be like, oh, he's probably gay.
03:19
He's flirting with me.
03:21
Who knows?
03:23
I don't know anymore.
03:25
And now that I'm single.
03:26
Ha.
03:26
Oh God.
03:27
I don't know.
03:28
I don't know what I'm gonna do.