Series

That Time I Shit My Pants in Colombia

I'm pale.
Show transcript
00:00
Hello guys and welcome back.
00:01
This is not Laura's corner.
00:03
This is T I was Laura because let's face it.
00:05
I tell y'all way too much information about me, but that's
00:08
ok because they're paying me to do it.
00:10
So a lot of you guys don't know this about me, but I'm actually
00:13
half Colombian.
00:14
Anyway, I go to Colombia and not only do I go there for Christmas
00:18
but I also wanted to visit my favorite cousin, not that cousin
00:22
ratchet.
00:23
So me and my boyfriend go to Colombia and the first stop we make
00:26
is in Santa Marta and it happens to be my boyfriend's birthday
00:29
That's my boyfriend.
00:30
Wait.
00:31
Oh thank God.
00:31
We had a really, really good time.
00:33
But then something really, really bad happened along the
00:36
way.
00:36
It was just absolutely detrimental like it wasn't that bad
00:40
It was bad.
00:41
Thank you.
00:42
We went to Taona Park and it's a beautiful, beautiful park
00:46
like it takes three hours to get there.
00:48
Like you have to take an hour bus and then you have to walk two
00:51
hours in the jungle and there's mud everywhere and there's
00:54
horse poop everywhere and you're walking with poop and then
00:57
with mud and then it's just, it's all becomes one and I'm not
01:00
used to this because, like, I'm a city girl but my boyfriend
01:03
he's American and like, he loves doing outdoorsy shit.
01:05
I don't know if it's like a white people thing.
01:07
I think it's just an outdoorsy person thing.
01:10
So we're there, we're walking and we finally get to the campsite
01:13
and it's absolutely beautiful.
01:15
You know, you see the mountains and the palms and you smell
01:17
the beach and everything is beautiful.
01:19
And there's like these dogs there, there was little poop mines
01:23
which I was like, ok, that's fine, whatever, they're dogs
01:25
and we're in a big ass park, doesn't matter.
01:27
Not thinking that this would affect me later on.
01:30
So we go to the beach, we come back, everything's great.
01:34
And so night time comes and I'm like, it's your birthday baby
01:37
Let's do whatever you wanna do.
01:38
We drink, we dance and then we go to sleep.
01:41
We make love because it's his birthday.
01:42
Don't worry about it.
01:43
Too much information.
01:44
And then three o'clock in the morning comes, everything's
01:46
the lights are off.
01:47
There's no moon that night.
01:48
I don't know where it was.
01:49
There were stars everywhere.
01:50
You could see the Milky Way Galaxy and then you hear animals
01:55
outside like we're in a camp, we're in the middle of the jungle
01:57
There was jaguars, there was probably a bear.
01:59
I don't know if there was an ostrich out there like there were
02:01
things out there that was scary.
02:04
And so I wake up in sweat with a horrible pain in my stomach.
02:08
And I'm like, oh my God, I'm dying like that's what's happening
02:11
right now.
02:11
And so I try to wake up Wes and he's not waking up.
02:14
He's like, no, babe, leave me alone.
02:15
And I'm like, wes, I think I need to go to the bathroom and I'm
02:18
like cold sweating and I'm like, I'm pale like there's no blood
02:22
in my hands right now.
02:23
And he's like, Laura, you're fine.
02:24
Just, just, it was so dark.
02:25
How did you know you were pale?
02:28
Stop.
02:29
So then I'm there and I'm like dying and I'm like, babe, I think
02:33
I have to go to the bathroom and he's like, no, babe, you're
02:35
a big girl.
02:35
Yeah, I know.
02:36
I'm a big girl.
02:37
Can you please take me to the bathroom guys?
02:39
We were in a jungle.
02:40
There was lions and tigers and bears and bats and probably
02:43
an ostrich somewhere.
02:44
And a hippopotamus is like, I don't know what's out there.
02:46
There were some dogs and some cats.
02:49
Um one of the dogs was a puppy.
02:51
Ok?
02:52
But they sounded like rabid animals.
02:55
Yes.
02:56
So he finally wakes up angry and he's like fine and we're walking
03:00
through the poop mine of the dog boxers and bare feet.
03:03
We're both walking in his sexy boxers and me with my poop diarrhea
03:07
We're just walking and there's poop on the floor because of
03:10
the dogs.
03:11
And so I finally get to the bathroom after, you know, 30 minutes
03:14
of walking, we're in the bathroom and he's like, waiting outside
03:17
and I just, I let, I let it go, I let everything outside of me
03:21
go mind you, there's no toilet room, there's just the rim and
03:24
I'm like, great.
03:24
I have diarrhea and I can't even sit in a proper toilet seat
03:27
And then on top of that, when I see, I only have three sheets
03:30
of toilet paper, three and I have diarrhea.
03:32
And then on top of that, there's a big ass bug this big, like
03:35
next to me and I'm sweating, I have cold shivers because that's
03:38
just what you go through when you have diarrhea.
03:40
And so I'm sure I woke up the entire complement though.
03:43
And I'm just like, I can't believe this is happening to me right
03:45
now.
03:45
And then I feel bad because I woke up my boyfriend, he was going
03:47
through his rem sleep or whatever.
03:49
She, she didn't feel that bad.
03:51
So anyway, when that happened, you know, we both went back
03:55
to the tent, we walked back the 10 minutes and then we were both
03:58
kind of like bickering.
03:58
He's like, I don't know why you had to wake me up.
04:00
You could have gone up there by yourself.
04:02
And I'm like, well, I'm sick.
04:04
You should have helped me and he's like, I did help you I ended
04:06
up going there with you and then this lady goes, that I didn't
04:10
say and then we felt bad that not only did I wake up the whole
04:13
camp.
04:14
I woke up this lady sitting next campsite, guess what?
04:18
Diarrhea doesn't just happen once it happens several times
04:21
and I start sweating again.
04:22
And then wes looks at me like he knows like we both give this
04:25
look like I'm like, I'm going through and he's like, I know
04:28
you are but I'm not going with you this time.
04:30
You know the way fine and I get up, I have to go through the poop
04:34
Mine scared of the lions and tigers and bears of all parts of
04:37
the story.
04:38
The poop mines were real.
04:40
I'll give you that.
04:41
Thank you.
04:42
There's a lot of poop from dogs.
04:43
So not only did I have poop inside my stomach, I had poop on my
04:46
feet.
04:47
That's how I went to the bathroom and this happened several
04:49
times a night.
04:49
It was just absolutely horrible.
04:52
That's tm I with Lauder.
04:56
The trip was really nice though.
04:58
You guys should go to Colombia.
05:00
Have you guys ever gone on a nightmarish vacation where just
05:03
everything that could go wrong went wrong.
05:05
Was your boyfriend supportive when you had diarrhea?
05:09
Let me know in the comments, I'll definitely read them and
05:11
I'll make him read them.