00:00
There was one time I was dating someone and I was like, hey,
00:02
I want, would you want to be with me?
00:04
Do you want to get married?
00:05
Do you want to have kids?
00:06
And they were like, they were unsure and kind of like on the
00:09
side of like, I don't know, we'll see where it goes.
00:11
And I said, let's enjoy the time we have left.
00:13
One thing about Sasha.
00:15
I said, let's enjoy the time we have then because you not, you
00:18
confused you this that I'm not confused.
00:23
Let's enjoy the time we have left.
00:26
When I said like recently, I'm really excited about today's
00:34
episode because I get to bring one of my favorite people in
00:38
the whole world onto this couch, Sasha Mercy.
00:42
We have heard your name so many times.
00:45
I talked about so much like 20 times a day.
00:48
She's like I do, I do.
00:50
I know that's sweet in a really positive way.
00:54
How long have you guys been friends for four years?
01:00
So it feel longer than that because when I first met her, I just
01:04
knew I was going to vibe with her and she was like, oh, I don't
01:07
I don't want, I want new friends.
01:08
I don't want any friends, so I wasn't paying attention to it
01:10
I was like, ok, anyway, I'm coming over tomorrow in New York
01:18
I don't want to be fair.
01:22
I was in a really vulnerable situation.
01:23
Like I didn't have any furniture I didn't want, you know, like
01:25
when you're in a transition, you don't want nobody in your
01:28
And I'm like, I just, at that point, I had broken up with two
01:32
I was just heartbroken by friendship and she just kept showing
01:35
I'm like, I just want you to know, I don't just throw around
01:37
the word loosely and she's like, ok, four years, I just kept
01:41
talking to her and she's telling me all her boundaries and
01:44
she got boundaries anyway.
01:46
So yesterday I was like, did this and did that and I just kept
01:49
talking to her and then she told me about her friendships and
01:52
I'm like, I don't know how that, like, I guess I learned how
01:55
to be a friend because of my friends.
01:58
And like, they taught me how to be friends.
02:01
Like my friend, Tanisha, my friend Arlene, like, um they taught
02:05
me how to, how to be friends.
02:07
And when they taught me that I was like, oh, that's how you are
02:10
So that's how I just kind of like, done that.
02:13
And then my friend Taisha, just a lot of women just teaching
02:17
me how to be friends.
02:18
Because I grew up with six brothers.
02:20
She was a, well, that's the part I, I do have three sisters but
02:27
the thing about my sisters is that, um, they were older.
02:33
So I have a very complicated lifestyle, like a family tree
02:38
I am an affair child.
02:40
So both of my parents.
02:44
So they come from two parent homes, two parent homes.
02:47
So I came from, yeah.
02:54
So, anyway, I came from a two family home and my dad had two daughters
03:00
two stepdaughters and they were older.
03:03
So then I'll spend more time with my half brothers, which is
03:06
they're more my age and then my older brothers from my mom's
03:10
side, they, they were like 1312 years older.
03:14
So they always felt like they were my dad.
03:16
So they always came to check up on me and all that stuff.
03:19
So then my sister, she went away to college and stuff like that
03:22
So she was more like a role model kind of thing.
03:25
And I'll have more of an experience with my brothers.
03:27
So they were always, like, very, very, very involved.
03:31
But, yes, yes, I do have three sisters and, you know, they dope
03:35
as shit too, you know.
03:36
So, did you have other friends who was your first friend?
03:40
Who was your friend who was your first friend in elementary
03:46
We're allowed to have other friends.
03:47
So OK, I learned a very valuable lesson.
03:51
No, I did because when I lived with my dad and I went to school
03:56
I just came from Dominican Republic.
03:58
So I didn't know English like that.
04:01
So I remember making one friend and like, trying to like, have
04:07
her not have any friends at one point.
04:10
And I was just like trying to hold on to her like you can't be
04:13
friends with nobody.
04:14
You could only be friends with me because nobody got along
04:16
with me because who's this little girl that doesn't speak
04:19
You know, and then I learned a valuable lesson about that.
04:23
Like I'm like, you, you can't just hold on to people like that
04:25
You like that movie too because as these girls now I was really
04:32
really bullied in elementary school.
04:33
She was super, super bad and there was one girl in particular
04:37
that she got there in the second grade that I was like, ok, this
04:41
I'm going to make her my friend.
04:42
And so I was very protective over her and I was very like, no
04:46
you're like my one girlfriend that I actually have like in
04:49
So that's where I like, yeah, obviously like you grow up and
04:52
you realize, ok, you can't do that to people.
04:54
But when you're in the second grade and you feel like that's
04:57
You cling on to that for me.
04:59
And that was around the same, that was around the same time
05:01
like second grade, second grade.
05:10
No, but like in get out of your B is out.
05:21
It was like going back to your point.
05:23
A second grade is when I learned that.
05:24
And then after that, it was just more like, yo you, you just
05:27
got to be open, you just got to be open.
05:29
People breathe, let people breathe.
05:30
And then once I did that, I had a whole bunch of friends and I
05:33
was like clinging on to one friend.
05:36
You know what I was going to say before you interrupted me a
05:40
few times was that I always only have one friend at a time.
05:44
So I hold on to those bitches for one friend at a time.
05:47
I'm just not good in certain group big circles.
05:49
I hate circle friendships.
05:51
I just feel like it doesn't matter what dynamic you do.
05:55
There's always a weird power dynamic that happens in a maybe
06:00
people in a group chat.
06:02
It's always a group that has a side group.
06:06
It starts with a chat and then their most active, their own
06:12
All of your girlfriends now are the girls that you consider
06:15
like, oh, that's a really good friend.
06:18
Like I have a friend that I just made like a few years ago out
06:21
of all my, a lot of friends and I'm like, she's a really good
06:24
friend, even though I met her, like, four years ago, just like
06:26
Like, always there watering our relationship.
06:28
Like, just things that I usually don't do either with my friends
06:31
Just like, kind of like a girlfriend, like a real girlfriend
06:35
Like, what are some things that you think make a really good
06:39
You just showing up?
06:41
You know what I'm saying?
06:42
Like, just showing up from my first best, like that girl that
06:48
I had a friendship when I was in second grade.
06:51
Like I wasn't being a fair friend.
06:56
That's why I traumatized.
06:57
I traumatize this girl.
06:58
It was like, girl, I'm not the same no more.
07:01
If you still won't be friends, hit me up.
07:06
So after that, then I had my real real first best friend.
07:10
Her name is Joanne and she became, don't be mad.
07:15
I know about a picture of her, Joan.
07:20
I, so, so Joanne, what she would do, um I didn't really have
07:26
like an allowance but she did.
07:27
So every time we would hang out, she would always buy me a sandwich
07:30
and it wasn't like, it was just, it was just nice.
07:33
And so I learned that from her just be like, yo, if you have it
07:36
and I'm here and you're like, we'll just like show up for one
07:40
Then I have like, my fam, she's like a family friend, but we
07:44
kind of became very close, Darlene.
07:47
She was always, like, she was always there.
07:49
Like, when I needed her, my friend Tanisha, like my friend
07:54
So, because you're talking, so that's how I was able to be a
08:01
good friend to her in a way because they all showed me how to
08:08
So I'm very intentional about the friendships that I really
08:12
consider like friends.
08:13
You know, I feel like for me I'm able to be a good friend because
08:16
I was a bad, I'm not even trying to be funny.
08:21
No, I just feel like I was a really toxic friend in my twenties
08:26
In a way of a little bit too.
08:28
We needed to do everything together or jealous if she went
08:32
But it's just like I just be caring too much about people and
08:34
I want the best for them and I don't have a bad habit of letting
08:37
them kind of arrive to places instead of, I don't know, I was
08:42
just toxic and it sounds a little bit mean too.
08:44
Like the way that I talk sometimes, you know, I'd be mad loud
08:47
and a little bit aggressive.
08:48
I think when you get close to somebody for so many years when
08:51
they do go off, I get a boyfriend.
08:53
I had a boyfriend and I was mad.
08:57
I got heartbroken, really heartbroken.
08:59
Like jealous, heartbroken.
09:00
You're like, I'm your girl.
09:02
I have a question for the fucking yell at me and my heart like
09:05
you're just going to drop me after you get people.
09:06
You hear people say that but you hear like girls in at, are you
09:09
going to just drop all your friends?
09:10
How do you feel about when your friend, girls that they forget
09:15
about their friends when they get into relationships?
09:19
I have always tried to take time to harbor my friendships.
09:23
Even when I have a boyfriend, I like him to come in the mix and
09:25
I put you in the honeymoon.
09:29
If you win your 24 nobody exists.
09:32
How do you balance that life?
09:35
But I think like you actually take that moment because you're
09:38
not going to have a honeymoon stage with.
09:41
No, you're in your love bubble but hit me up when you're out
09:45
They say that they just remind you that they're there.
09:50
You can say this is an open room.
09:54
No, I think that I think also that's very important to not completely
09:58
lose yourself in the relationships but like, you know, sometimes
10:03
you do need kind of like a space, especially if you're like
10:06
trying to grow with someone.
10:08
And then like, it's like I said, like you said, the honeymoon
10:11
stage is not forever.
10:12
Like, let's just do it now because we're about to argue next
10:18
You're about to see the real man.
10:19
Well, you've been together for four years but you knew him
10:21
known him for seven years.
10:23
Like, are you what I feel from you?
10:24
Like every time we talk about him, I see like little hearts
10:28
So that's the thing.
10:32
It's like, you know, when I first met him, I was a fan of him.
10:36
So it was like long story short, it was through the dim he slid
10:41
and hes sitting ad m right?
10:43
But it was just during a time where I was like, really growing
10:46
on social media and I was, I decided to answer everyone and
10:49
he like, showed me I was going through like this little, like
10:53
tough moment in my life, like through like transitioning
10:56
friendships and like break up and um I listened to his EP and
11:03
I was like, damn, this guy's really talented.
11:05
And so yeah, he, he makes music.
11:09
And then when I met him in New York City, at first, I was just
11:14
kinda like, oh he's cool.
11:15
But in honestly, like, I wasn't thinking like, I wasn't thinking
11:19
like, oh this huge romantic like, boom, like after you met
11:22
him on a date, like it wa I don't even know if it was a date.
11:25
He was just kind of like, oh are you hungry?
11:27
And I was like, well, I'm at work.
11:28
He's like, when's your lunch break?
11:30
And I was like, oh, is this boom, boom time?
11:32
He showed up, he ordered me some food and he ordered me a mac
11:37
and cheese like a, like a mac and cheese cheeseburger.
11:40
There was this place in New York called Mac Bar, right?
11:44
And it was during December, it was like 2016 and it just finished
11:50
raining, like finished raining and it wasn't that cold and
11:54
we're trying to figure out a place to sit and eat and he takes
11:57
off his jacket and he puts it on the bench and he was like, have
12:01
a seat and I was just like done.
12:03
So it's just the little things that guys can do that.
12:09
The sweetest, most thoughtful thing I literally was like
12:14
I can, I was never used to that type of chivalry.
12:21
That's a joke, right?
12:22
So I remember like he was like, and I was like, no, no, no, it's
12:26
He was like, have a seat, my jacket is already wet.
12:29
Like you might as well sit down.
12:30
So then like that was like my first introduction to him and
12:35
I, and it was still kind of like whatever.
12:36
But then it wasn't until we really spoke about like our upbringing
12:39
and how I grew up with so many brothers and he grew up with so
12:42
many sisters and I'm like, yo, that's when we really bonded
12:46
because you know that energy and he knows that energy too.
12:49
The matriarch of the family is not just going to let anybody
12:53
You have to prove yourself if you're going to make the p or if
12:56
you're going to make something, don't just be coming over
12:57
here with your dish.
12:59
Well, we are going to just quickly jump to this because it's
13:02
always amazing to basically shout out like a he a of the week
13:05
somebody that's doing something amazing for the community
13:07
So the women, Las Patrona, they've been doing this for 28 years
13:11
So they've been helping Central American migrants.
13:14
Their name comes from their town.
13:16
But for the migrants, they're basically, they're grabbing
13:19
potentially life saving food and water from these women who
13:22
will most likely never see them again.
13:24
So it's kind of one of those they're helping them out in that
13:26
But in that moment, it could sometimes even be, I'm sure a life
13:30
or death situation or they're just extremely hungry.
13:32
And I'm sure when you're going through those journeys, I can't
13:35
imagine the pain, the confusion, right?
13:38
Everything is just so up in the air.
13:40
So these women are doing incredible, incredible work like
13:43
I said, for 28 years.
13:46
So patron saint, could it be more of a perfect name?
13:49
You can follow them on their journey at La patrona.wordpress.com
13:53
or their Instagram, which is Las Patron underscore D DH H man
13:59
So shout out to Las, that's very empowering you know as well
14:05
You know, we always honestly, like, even in a household, like
14:09
women are the leaders of the family.
14:12
Like, you know what I'm saying?
14:13
I was really thinking that last night, like my mom, I came to
14:15
my parents' house, my mom's cooking a full on meal for each
14:17
This is like day after day at Monday, Tuesday, we Thursday
14:19
and then cleaning up after us washing everything and then
14:22
like going up to it and helping my sister's baby.
14:24
And like, I'm just like, and she's, she's like the forgotten
14:27
It just, it's just as if like, what we all expected.
14:29
Like I remember last night I was like, damn, should I go help
14:36
My mom did that this morning.
14:37
I'm like, mom, let me wash my own dishes.
14:39
You know, you have to go to work, you're late.
14:41
And I'm like, my aunt came and I was moving a few things around
14:47
She's like, can I wash the dishes?
14:49
And she wouldn't stop.
14:50
I was like, you know what, I'm not going to stop you.
14:53
Sometimes you just need the help too.
14:55
But you see all that stuff is really instilled in us without
14:58
us even knowing, you know, even when it's the holiday, like
15:02
the matriarch of the family is not just going to let anybody
15:06
You have to prove yourself if you're going to make the Perin
15:08
or if you're going to make something, don't just be coming
15:10
over here with your dish.
15:12
You got to prove to me that you know how to cook.
15:14
And I think I also noticed it when my friends are sick.
15:16
My girlfriend's like, I'm a doctor.
15:19
I'm like, let me help you with this because my friends are really
15:22
There's not a Latina there, like the tr you need some tea, you
15:26
need Panella, all the b and they're like, oh my God, Yvonne
15:29
And I'm like, this is just a not sick.
15:33
You know, I didn't do anything special.
15:35
I think it's gonna be a lot like our moms when we grow up 100%
15:39
Yeah, I think women are just honestly, we're so we can be so
15:42
passionate about things.
15:43
That's why like when it comes to friendship, it can be so hurtful
15:46
Like when you have like a falling out with someone because
15:48
we care so deeply, whether we show it like glory who you know
15:52
you get a little bit, you get protective or whatever or you
15:55
who, you know what you were saying?
15:56
Like I think you were saying before we even got on Mike, you
16:00
were saying like with your friendships, you're just, you
16:01
give an ear, you give an ear and that can sometimes be like really
16:05
self sacrificing because sometimes even emotionally dumping
16:08
on someone which maybe sometimes your friends do to you or
16:11
to somebody else who they feel like they could talk to.
16:12
That's a lot because you're taking on their emotions too.
16:15
Like, you're taking on all their trauma as well.
16:17
On top of what you're probably already feeling inside it's
16:19
very self sacrificing, you know.
16:21
No, I love to be a safe, safe space for people and I guess that
16:25
it comes from my own traumas in life and knowing, like, oh,
16:29
I never really felt like I had a safe space and knowing how important
16:33
that is, but sometimes people don't appreciate that.
16:36
They'll just kind of be like, oh, you know, my brother, I'm
16:39
like, bitch, I just heard you four or five hours talking about
16:43
you know what I'm saying?
16:45
It's like, it's like those are the friendships that you feel
16:48
like are more of like leeches and stuff of an even balance.
16:51
And at the end of the day, I don't even think a relationship
16:53
is ever truly gonna be 5050.
16:55
There's some days where he or she is at a 70 you're at a 30 you
16:59
need to pull them up.
16:59
But it can't always be one way or the other.
17:01
Like sometimes you gotta show up stronger for your friend
17:04
You know, one thing that I learned is that that not all your
17:07
friends are going to show up the same that you gotta pick.
17:10
Your audience has a strength.
17:12
You know, everybody has a strength that they're good at.
17:14
And I'm like, you also have to also learn um how to be self soothing
17:18
That's something I'm learning.
17:21
Sometimes you just don't need to be telling your friends dumping
17:24
everything on them for the 10th time.
17:27
But I have to say, well, we ask our fierce audience for anonymous
17:31
spill the tea moments and a question.
17:33
So here's this one this week.
17:34
Any advice on how to enjoy your summer when you got limited
17:37
time and no friends.
17:39
Siempre is fut my summers but I always end up working long hours
17:42
and I got my boyfriend.
17:43
But like I said, time is limited.
17:46
I'm just freaking sad and I never get to do the things I want
17:49
I feel like time just passes me by and I don't have any fun.
17:51
I feel like my goal is to simply swim so much this summer, but
17:55
I'm alone and I don't want to go alone.
17:57
So I totally get that.
18:01
I love doing things alone and I, I like eating alone.
18:06
Have you guys ever gone to eat alone at a restaurant?
18:08
It might be like my favorite thing.
18:10
You're just there, put some headphones and it's scary first
18:13
and you think you look crazy and you think like everybody's
18:15
staring at you or people think that, you know, you're some
18:17
weirdo, but people really aren't paying that close attention
18:20
but she doesn't want to be alone if you want to, it's hard to
18:24
But if you want to make friends, you got to put yourself out
18:30
How do you make new friends?
18:31
Because I'm trying to make some?
18:32
Not because I'm trying to get rid of you.
18:34
I also try to make some new friends that you want to make new
18:37
friends to make friends.
18:43
I don't know how to make new friends.
18:44
And sometimes taking acting classes, you can make a lot of
18:47
good friends, new friends that really you could trust because
18:50
you get so deep, so fast because when I was in New York, I was
18:54
So I was like, I kind of felt like I wanted to.
18:56
That's why I really like L A because everybody's here.
18:59
This is really much it right here.
19:02
So I would say take a class or something you love doing because
19:07
then you're going to find people that love community.
19:09
There's a lot of friends there.
19:10
I was in the social community before I've been throwing these
19:14
They call it whatever you Yeah.
19:27
So basically the way that it was born is because I'm from New
19:31
York and I'm so used to community and I'm so used to like walking
19:34
across the street and having some sort of access to people
19:37
And like, even though it's like one like interaction, like
19:42
It's still like a fulfilling one because the next day you're
19:44
like, oh my God, I had an amazing time.
19:46
So, you know, I was here and I was just like, no, I have to bring
19:50
my com you know, community together.
19:52
And I remember this guy who's a DJ, his name was like Erie Hall
19:55
He told me he was like L A with the wrong people is hell, L A with
20:01
the right people is heaven.
20:03
And so when he said that I was like, oh, I have to do something
20:05
to bring my community out.
20:07
So I understand this person like being busy and stuff like
20:11
But I promise you if it wasn't for these parties, I probably
20:15
would go back home because everybody that I meet or I see or
20:19
my friends come out.
20:20
It just, I'm having a great time even though I should like my
20:24
one event can meet people.
20:26
So maybe she's a swimmer, the girls, a party, maybe there's
20:31
other people looking for that community and she can be the
20:34
spearheaded the, she can spearhead the swim team.
20:38
I want to learn how to swim.
20:39
I might go to those parties too.
20:40
Yeah, you got some food, I'll be in there.
20:43
But I would say you're not going to find friends sitting at
20:45
So just step out there, even if you go to have lunch in a popping
20:48
place, you can have lunch with them.
20:49
People approach you, you people like, you have to just make
20:51
it a, it, you reach for cook at the same time.
20:57
It's not part of the question.
20:58
But I used to get very involved in my relationships and you
21:02
You need to have a social life.
21:04
So I think I would just throw one of the things that really helped
21:07
me is I remember I was obsessed over somebody when I was younger
21:12
like a teenager and I was just kind of like, oh all this love
21:15
that I could give this person.
21:17
They're not letting me give them all this love.
21:19
And I was like, whoa, why don't I take all that love and give
21:24
And that love is as simple as that love is as simple as doing
21:27
your bed in the morning.
21:28
That love is as simple as going to get your nails done or doing
21:32
something or writing.
21:33
And next thing you know, you forget about you, forget, you
21:37
totally forget about the person.
21:38
You thought you were obsessed with all the energy you're putting
21:40
on them and then you look, you look like 20 times better.
21:44
Oh My top of that people go, damn.
21:46
This person loves themselves is looking for you because they
21:50
But they're blocked on whatsapp.
21:53
But it's like, it's like once you get your, get your shit together
21:57
that's when a dude looks at you and goes, yo, I'm ready to destroy
22:01
I'm ready to destroy happiness.
22:06
I wanted to bring up a topic just because we were talking a little
22:08
bit about how, when you get in a relationship you sometimes
22:12
can, some people will just kind of ditch their friends.
22:14
What about, like your guy friends?
22:16
Like, if you guys have any close, like you, I mean, you're,
22:19
you're the one in the relationship, right?
22:21
Are you able to, does he, is he OK with you being around men?
22:25
What's his vibe with that?
22:26
I mean, I have guy friends and then I introduce my guy friends
22:29
You know what I mean?
22:29
My goal is for them to be friends like straight up and literally
22:34
I've always had the superpower to the guys who were ever interested
22:39
I'll be like, I'm better off as your friend.
22:42
And next thing I, no, I'm just like their wing woman.
22:44
I've never hooked up with any of my guy friends at all.
22:48
So you didn't have to go through the whole phase of like, OK
22:50
I have to stop talking to you or cut you out or block you kind
22:53
of like a cleansing.
22:55
If I cut somebody off, it's because I really believe that they're
22:58
toxic and they're not leaving me alone.
23:03
That's when I cut somebody off.
23:04
That's very rational.
23:06
If you're not leaving me alone and you're being a stalker in
23:10
a sense, I got to block you.
23:11
And man, there was one person I thought I blocked from everything
23:15
and then they found me on whatsapp.
23:21
I've had mail sent to my mail.
23:28
That's a guy called my house since the landline times every
23:38
That's what he would say.
23:39
Emma, like, for like, 1015 years, 15 years, 10 years straight
23:54
What if you're close with a guy friend?
23:56
But he cuts you off because he's in a relationship which I respect
24:01
And this is the thing about it.
24:03
Maybe it's because of my upbringing, I always learn to enjoy
24:07
the moment for what it is.
24:09
Like, everything is bound to change, change is inevitable
24:14
Like I can be so in love with you today.
24:17
But I also like embracing the moment and understanding that
24:20
things might change, you know.
24:22
You know, and that's just, it's just who it is.
24:24
So I try to really live in the moment and like, just trying to
24:28
embrace it because everything I try to really respect women
24:33
too, like in their like situation because I was raised with
24:36
my two sisters and even in the household, my mom would be like
24:38
don't walk around this or whatever it is little things and
24:42
I would becoming aware of how other women could feel just maybe
24:45
uncomfortable or insecure, even if you're not, I'd rather
24:51
just go the other way than even think about that.
24:53
Especially if it's like a deep friendship.
24:55
You don't wanna, you respect.
24:57
I have a very close guy friend but he's deep in his relationship
25:00
Like, I go months without talking to him, but I don't take it
25:03
We'll talk later with my guy friends.
25:06
I am the most logical.
25:07
I wish I could be like that in a relationship.
25:09
I'm like, ok, I don't care.
25:12
Isn't that weird that when you're with a guy friend, you're
25:14
I wish you could be like this with somebody that I like.
25:17
I like, I don't, I haven't spoken to him in a week but I'm not
25:23
But this other guy, it's been a few hours and I don't like that
25:29
So, yeah, but I do think that I feel like I hate when I come across
25:33
conversations where they say men and women can't be friends
25:36
I don't really feel like that's true.
25:37
I feel like we're all human beings and we're allowed to have
25:40
I think it's toxic to think that other humans can have just
25:43
platonic experiences.
25:44
And sometimes your platonic experiences are literally asking
25:47
you about things that they don't understand from a woman.
25:51
Like they probably never had sisters.
25:53
So it's like I'm going to ask you who is my friend about?
25:57
How do I approach girls?
25:58
And then it's just like you know, same with my guy friends.
26:01
Like, how do I talk to this girl?
26:02
You're dating someone and he has a lot of platonic female friends
26:06
That's a little different.
26:09
And it was a little tough.
26:10
I'm not going to see were the girls reacting?
26:13
Like, hey, no, they were protective over him.
26:16
So it was as if we're his friend but why?
26:20
But we're his friend.
26:21
So it never felt like it almost felt like I was stepping on everybody's
26:24
toes instead of it being like a interesting some in which you
26:29
ask your partner to cut them out, even though they've been
26:32
I wouldn't do that, do that.
26:34
But depends on the history.
26:35
What if they're hooked up a lot, then you feel uncomfortable
26:38
then you attract right now.
26:42
I feel like I'm exploring just a basic friendship with the
26:45
guy I used to date, but I don't want to be with him.
26:47
Do you think that that is stupid?
26:49
He probably still likes you.
26:51
He's probably still waiting in the sidelines.
26:54
I think the smartest thing to do now is really sad.
26:56
Like I don't wanna be with him.
26:57
I don't want to hook up.
26:58
I'm going to kick it.
26:59
I'm gonna chill and if they're down to that and they respect
27:02
But if they step up over the boundaries, that means you can't
27:04
guys are simple, right?
27:05
Like, and I think sometimes we think like, oh, if I give them
27:08
It's like, no, I think if you're straight up and give and I was
27:11
really bad at that because I felt like I was hurting them more
27:13
by just setting that boundary.
27:15
So I'm, I was one of those, like, silently, I'm just gonna exit
27:18
out his life, you know, slowly.
27:20
But now I'm very, you know what, I'll sit them down and I've
27:23
done this multiple times recently and I'm like, you know,
27:26
I don't see anything going.
27:28
I still want to be your friend.
27:29
But in that way, nothing's going to happen.
27:31
And I was like, I was too scared to have this conversation.
27:33
I was like, I hurt them.
27:34
You know, I say it, I say it and maybe I say it in a joking way or
27:40
I don't really say it in an aggressive way.
27:43
Like there was one time I was dating someone and I was like,
27:45
hey, I want, would you want to be with me?
27:47
Do you want to get married?
27:48
Do you want to have kids?
27:49
And they were like, they were unsure and kind of like on the
27:52
side of like, I don't know, we'll see where it goes.
27:54
And I said, let's enjoy the time we have left.
27:57
One thing about I said, let's enjoy the time we have then because
28:01
you not, you confused you this, that I'm not confused.
28:07
Let's enjoy the time we have what I said, like recently to the
28:12
guy that I'm dating because off that he said he didn't want
28:14
to have any more kids to get married.
28:16
And so we were at a party recently and I was like, well, let's
28:19
enjoy le let's have fun while we, while it lasts.
28:23
And I was like, well, what do you mean?
28:24
You don't wanna, ultimately?
28:27
I do too, but I want the option.
28:29
There's a point like there's no growing together.
28:31
I mean, I'm not saying like, I need to have kids.
28:32
I wanna game but like, what, what do I do one day?
28:35
Which is a big chance, you know, and then he like kind of was
28:39
And then the next day he was like, well, who says that if you
28:42
don't fall madly in love, that's not an option.
28:44
I was like, oh, so now it's like it could be an option.
28:47
Not that I'm, I'm going to marry a guy or whatever, but you have
28:51
to set your boundaries and also you're wasting 10 years.
28:55
Imagine you got really upset at that.
28:56
Like, what do you mean?
28:57
You don't want to have kids?
29:00
And then it goes back to the stereotype of like, oh look, women
29:02
are crazy and it's just like, you know what, let's enjoy the
29:05
time we have cheers to that on the other side, baby or if you're
29:11
even on that, like, where I am, I'm a little bit different from
29:15
Ivana right now in the sense that right now she's like, super
29:17
not in a place where she's like, you know what?
29:19
Right now we'll see, like, I'm testing the waters on what I
29:22
I'm like, I know what I want.
29:23
So I think it's about how you also say it because I'm not saying
29:27
it like I need, it's like it's more like, ok, this is what I want
29:30
Are you headed down that direction or are you?
29:32
No, you don't see yourself doing that then?
29:35
I'm, I'm moving on first day.
29:36
You're saying like, well, I want to get married and have kids
29:39
No, like maybe like first date but very early on because I'm
29:43
not going to sit there and entertain something for month and
29:45
then him be like, I never want to get married and I never want
29:47
to have kids because that's what I genuinely want.
29:51
I don't need it today tomorrow a year from now, but that's my
29:55
And I'd like to get to know someone and grow in that direction
29:58
It's not, I don't know, it's just not about being straight
30:01
up if you fall in love with them and then you guys both decide
30:03
you know, we don't have to get married.
30:04
No, that's not an option with you.
30:06
Not me, every girl is different.
30:07
Some girls can go and not do it.
30:09
But, but everybody knows their own heart here on this couch
30:12
everybody knows what they see in their future.
30:14
Some girls are a little bit like I don't care.
30:15
And other girls are like, this is what I care a lot and I'm not
30:18
going to lie to myself and not lying to you.
30:23
People on the spectrum of like we need to be married and it's
30:26
like whatever happens.
30:31
I want to be married and it's just one knowing your boundaries
30:35
knowing what it is that you want.
30:37
And, you know, I have a lot of girlfriends and I grew up with
30:40
a whole bunch of brothers and I've seen, you know, people get
30:42
hurt in both sides and I, and sometimes, you know, growing
30:45
up, I would have to be like giving my girlfriend's advice because
30:49
they didn't have any guy friends that they grew up with or brothers
30:51
And I'll just be like, listen, if he's not showing up, if he's
30:54
not doing this and he's saying these words but not doing these
30:57
things and say me then girl, you gotta like really check yourself
31:01
and I just feel like life is so unpredictable.
31:03
It's like you can't plan everything so you might as well go
31:09
I wanna make sure I should we on the same floor, like the same
31:11
river, like the same.
31:17
But I'm on this river, the Niagara Falls.
31:20
I want something deep.
31:23
I'm a true believer that for you.
31:25
Girl, I'm a true believer.
31:30
I like genuinely a true believer that if it's meant to be like
31:35
it can't, you can't break it and you can't fix it like you.
31:38
If it's meant to be, then it's like you could fix it.
31:43
Both my sisters are engaged and married and they were, since
31:47
the minute they saw their boyfriend, I'm not kidding.
31:49
Since the minute her boyfriend walked in, she texted me like
31:52
I spent the love of my life and I was like, what?
31:55
And Andrea other one obsessed, but they both broke up with
31:58
them for two years and now they're married and engaged because
32:01
if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
32:03
You want to work on it?
32:05
Have you guys ever, like, fell in love with, have you guys ever
32:09
fallen in love with a friend or like, had, like, basically
32:11
dated or saw somebody as a friend zone person and then they
32:15
actually got out of the friend zone with you guys.
32:18
But then remember he was a friend when I be in it, I'll be in it
32:26
But then once I've never spoken about him ever again, ever
32:28
again, I don't even know his name.
32:29
I forgot his name too.
32:30
I had a friend and then one night we like, he liked me, but I never
32:35
like we were best friends.
32:37
And then one night we ended up having a little kiss and it just
32:44
a little, a little tiny kiss.
32:46
And then, and now we're not like we kept going with it for a little
32:50
bit and now we're not friends anymore.
32:52
I feel like my friends.
32:55
So it's like that, that also bothers me when a guy is your friend
32:58
and then you're like, nah, and then it's like they're not,
33:00
So then we were not friends to begin with.
33:03
You don't value our friendship more than you value our relationship
33:06
and that hurts, you know, to be fair with this guy.
33:08
I think I didn't show up for him the way when his grandma passed
33:11
I guess I wasn't like a good friend.
33:13
So we just kind of stopped talking.
33:15
But it was weird after we left the friend zone, we were both
33:18
kind of like this should have never happened.
33:20
I don't like you like that.
33:21
And then we, we never talked about it ever again.
33:24
It was just kind of like some guys should just be my best friend
33:29
all throughout high school.
33:30
Everybody swore we were going to end up together.
33:32
I was repulsed by the idea.
33:35
And then I want to say eight years later, we hung out and we had
33:39
like we kissed bitches is kissing.
33:42
No, it was, it was actually genuinely just a kiss and we were
33:45
We had been drinking a little bit high school though.
33:48
But this is like, ok.
33:49
No, no, that's like a brother.
33:51
After it happened, I was literally like, I cannot believe
33:55
that I'm embarrassed and I have, like, it just hasn't been
33:58
the same since I, it's just weird.
34:01
I honor my guy friend as that, you know what I'm saying?
34:05
And I'm very, very lucky to have the guy friends that I do have
34:09
that are literally just my friends and they always check up
34:12
on me and they never disappear or anything because they'll
34:16
be like, I remember one of my friends, he was telling the story
34:18
He was like, yo, there's this girl, she's into me and I see her
34:22
like you, I like, you're like my sister.
34:27
He's like, you're like my sister and I'm like, bro, I feel the
34:31
Like you're disgusting.
34:32
Like a lot of guys know how important it is to have like a guy
34:39
Like how much it makes a difference.
34:40
It changed my entire life to really respect those boundaries
34:43
Like I wanna shout it out right now to the roofs.
34:45
Like please be friends with more girls and really like eat
34:49
Not just be like, oh, I like her and I'm doing this for this reason
34:52
because a lot, we all need a guy friend, male energy.
34:55
Sometimes we have all the girlfriends in the world but I didn't
34:57
grow up with brothers.
34:58
But having guy friends has changed my dating life because
35:01
I'm able to be like, oh, ok.
35:03
I can go to my friend and be like, yo, he did this.
35:05
He's like, yeah, he does not like you.
35:07
And I learned that off that with my brothers.
35:09
That was like, I've seen how they treated the girls that they
35:12
I see how they treated the girls they didn't like and they were
35:14
never disrespectful about it.
35:16
It was in a way where it was very respectful, but they were so
35:23
Now you're making fun because there was one, there was one
35:26
time, me and my brother, we were, we were out and some girl calls
35:30
him and she's like, where are you?
35:34
And he's like, I'm home.
35:35
She's like, no, you're not.
35:36
He was like, yes I am.
35:38
She's like you lying.
35:38
She hangs up the phone.
35:41
Then we get a call from a neighbor like, yo, your front door
35:44
No, the girl, she put like a bag of like, I don't know, but she
35:51
lit the front door on fire.
35:53
So you've learned the hard way and it was just like I already
35:59
You know I'm saying it was just kind of like he didn't even love
36:03
He did at one point.
36:04
But I just remember that time kind of being like a moment.
36:07
He's like, I gotta get out of this, you know, but you be nice
36:10
And so like, I've seen when a guy is really into a girl and I've
36:13
seen when a guy is not really into a girl and like, you know,
36:16
my guy, best friends, I respect their boundaries.
36:18
Like I have a guy friend, his name is Jo.
36:20
He's in like, in a relationship I hear from that dude maybe
36:23
once a month, maybe once every two months.
36:26
And I just love seeing him and his girlfriend, him posting
36:29
her and like that's where he needs to be.
36:31
You know what I'm saying?
36:32
And like my boyfriend is literally my best friend because
36:35
for so many years, we had no other option but to connect in that
36:38
you know, in an emotional sense.
36:40
So a human when it's born, the first thing that it does is ask
36:44
for help and that we don't do that enough.
36:48
We don't ask for help enough and self isolation is not good
36:51
That's why friendships are so important is we are supposed
36:54
to be in places like this girl.
36:56
Thanks for coming on.
36:57
I love hearing your person to my job.
37:00
I never know where the camera is.
37:03
I'll just be looking all over the place.
37:05
What is everybody's takeaway first?
37:08
We want to also give a shout out to everyone watching us on the
37:11
Thanks for watching it on the live stream guys.
37:13
I think it's the first time we go live.
37:14
Second time, second time.
37:16
So what is the takeaway you got from hanging out on the couch
37:20
I mean, friendship, friendship is very important and it doesn't
37:23
matter, doesn't matter what gender, human, whatever friendships
37:28
is so important and it can be complicated and if it gets complicated
37:32
in your life, don't get down on yourself.
37:33
Because even right now I'm kind of going through like a complicated
37:36
situation with some friends.
37:37
I've been very like distant.
37:38
I've been kind of to myself a little bit as I'm trying to figure
37:41
my own self out and it can be really hard and isolating sometimes
37:45
But like you guys are saying, like your true friends are going
37:47
to love you through all the different versions of you that
37:50
you're going to evolve.
37:51
I'm not the same person.
37:51
I was in high school.
37:52
I was not even the same person I was like six months ago, but
37:55
your friends are going to love and support you and hopefully
37:57
try to make you grow in a right and healthy way.
37:59
They're not going to want to see you keep self sabotaging and
38:02
hold space for when she sabotage herself.
38:06
I'm like, don't be talking about my friend like that.
38:09
She do be stopping me from the self sabotage circus.
38:11
But also like, it's important to have space to talk about,
38:14
you know, whenever your friends get on your nerves, you should
38:16
be able to talk a balloon.
38:18
We have a term that we came up with that.
38:22
It was a metaphor like you, I love you so much that when you get
38:26
on my nerves, it's like a balloon that's about to pop.
38:29
And once it pops I move on it is like whatever you get on my nerves
38:34
I'd be like balloon and you be like balloon and that's our
38:38
But yeah, I love her unconditionally like it's unconditional
38:44
love being there for one another.
38:45
There's a thing that I saw on Instagram today that maybe might
38:49
be applicable for this.
38:51
And there was this guy talking about like when animals are
38:55
born, they already were born with the skills to survive, which
39:00
is, if it's a giraffe, if it's a giraffe, then it's already
39:05
If it's a bird, you know what I'm saying?
39:07
And a human when it's born, the first thing that it does is ask
39:12
for help and that we don't do that enough.
39:15
We don't ask for help enough and self isolation is not good
39:18
That's why friendships are so important.
39:20
We are supposed to be in places like this.
39:24
We're supposed to be in community.
39:25
And I am also learning that myself and it is a journey.
39:28
It is a transition, but you can't feel like you're a burden
39:32
on other people because part of them being there for you is
39:35
part of them showing that they love you.
39:37
And so that's very important, you she's so sweet.
39:42
I told you she's amazing.
39:44
You know, it's funny.
39:45
It's like I've seen a lot of your videos.
39:47
Obviously you're a comedian.
39:49
It's so cool seeing this side of you.
39:52
And I know I know about the end of the episode, but Sasha is so
39:59
funny and sometimes we'll have conversations on facetime
40:02
I'm like, I wish the world knew how she is so caring and so just
40:09
be hugging you for no reason.
40:12
I mean, unless I feel like you decide how you show up on the internet
40:15
but people don't always get to know that about how sweet.
40:18
How do you feel about that?
40:20
Do you feel like you do wish the world kind of saw both sides
40:24
It would happen, I guess.
40:25
But I enjoy being on stage and just showing her like a rugged
40:28
version of myself because it's just like even funny to me to
40:33
But a little bit, it's protective too.
40:35
Not everybody gets to see that version of me.
40:38
Like you have to be like a very special individual to get to
40:40
see that version of me.
40:41
Like the Yeah, like my representative like a lot of the times
40:45
when I, you know, people met me, they were like, you were a bitch
40:49
is a bit 100% when they meet me.
40:51
They're like, yo, you're a softy and I'm like, I can be, I always
40:56
tell her, I wish that we were friends.
40:57
I wish I had her when I was younger.
40:59
I would be such a, I mean, I'm getting to be a better person,
41:02
but if we were friends at elementary school, I probably would
41:05
have been a lot better.
41:11
We got a quick question.
41:15
It's 11 pm at night.
41:16
You get a text from somebody hot and they say, what are you wearing
41:23
I'm going to be wearing sweats and my hair is not going to be
41:26
But what am I wearing P PM?
41:30
Honestly, probably just like an old soccer shirt.
41:36
I'm wearing a jersey.
41:38
I'll show you what I'm, I'm wearing a T shirt from Target sweatpants
41:44
and I'm looking crazy.
41:45
This is what I honestly, this is what I'm wearing that for a
41:51
I'm going to show you right now and it's really comfortable
41:53
My goodness, this is what I'm wearing Mickey Mouse.
41:57
I'm wearing a freaking snuggie and I probably stink.
42:01
You know, because I've been eating a whole bunch of chips and
42:04
like just I, you're recently in a newish thing.
42:09
What are you wearing a bed?
42:10
Are you wearing sweats?
42:14
What are you wearing?
42:17
Thank you very much.
42:19
But what, what, what are you wearing shorts, short, little
42:22
boxer shorts and like a little T shirt.
42:26
I'm going to sleep looking like I was doing chores.
42:31
So I have to like, I can't wear sweats and a hoodie ever to bed
42:35
What were you gonna say this girl?
42:39
It doesn't matter, it does matter because every time I facetime
42:42
her in the morning she still has lipstick from like talking
42:47
Freaking pisses me off.
42:49
I'm like you have great skin.
42:51
Why would you do this?
42:53
Why would you do this to your skin?
42:56
She'll be wearing her makeup at 11 p.m. 100% real quickly.
43:00
We just want to once more.
43:01
Shout out to all the people who joined our live M dot X ru said
43:04
to the girls clap girls speaking facts.
43:07
Ella O I want to be their friend and shout out to Eden and Ben
43:12
Eden and J these are my babies.
43:15
Well, thank you so much.
43:16
Thank you guys for tuning in.
43:18
Thank you again for being here, girl.
43:20
Everybody should follow you on Instagram.
43:22
Tell everybody where they could follow you on Instagram.
43:23
You can follow me on Instagram or anywhere on social media
43:26
at Sasha Merci is so is Sas H am er ci I love that girl.
43:32
Thanks for coming on.
43:34
I'm lo, I'm Sa Merci, I'm Ivana and this is girl.
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